Rice Cakes Are Dangerous In The Wrong Hands!

rice cakes

Rice cakes are dangerous.

I found that out today when I almost burnt my kitchen down with them. Seriously, I really did.

Although I am laughing about it, there is a serious side to this.

I have never seen anything so flammable since my son set fire to some cheese. Yes cheese - he really did. And he called the Fire Service.

But that is another story.

I have never seen anything so flammable since my son set fire to some cheese. Yes cheese - he… Click To Tweet

rice cakes

Rice cakes are more flammable than petrol fumes!

And I'm not kidding. All I did was put them in the toaster. Well, ok, I forgot about them as well - but still...

Why did I put them in the toaster? Good question. They were stale.

I eat a lot of rice cakes because I don't eat bread.

Lately, I have noticed the crispness of rices cakes varies from a lovely firm but 'melt-in-the-mouth' crunch to, 'is this an old Styrofoam coffee cup I am eating?'

I like my rice cakes to have a delicate crunch quality to them, not make my mouth feel like the inside of a hobo's old boot on the bottom of a dried up river bed.

Rice cakes are more flammable than petrol fumes! Click To Tweet

rice cakes
Rice cakes - can be a delight or bitter disappointment. They have far too much in common with those white styrofoam tiles we used to put on the ceiling in the 70s.

After throwing loads of stale rice cakes away, I had an idea.

It was a deadly idea as I found out today when I nearly burnt my house down.

Why not use the toaster to 'pep them up' - sort of re-crisp them.

Now, I'm not talking about out of date rice cakes or, rice cakes that have not been stored properly.

I'm talking about brand new, straight out of the packet rice cakes that just don't cut it.

I had the idea last night and was thrilled at the superior crunch quality that a short toasting on low setting gives them.

However, this morning was altogether different because, my husband had turned the toaster up (yes it was HIS fault!)

After throwing loads of stale rice cakes away, I had an idea. Click To Tweet

I popped my rice cakes in the toaster and went to sit back down at the computer.

Then I forgot they were there because, well... just because - OK? Don't you ever forget stuff?

Suddenly, I heard this BOOF! A sound that struck terror in my heart. I knew exactly what it was.

Suddenly, I heard this BOOF! A sound that struck terror in my heart. I knew exactly what it was. Click To Tweet

I leapt up and ran into the kitchen where there were unbelievable flames leaping up out of the toaster which was under the overhanging cupboards.

Even I didn't think stopping for a picture was a great idea at this point, so I went to grab the flaming toaster to run out into the garden with it.

(Ok pre-school children, what should I have done at that point?) Duh!

Of course it was plugged in and jerked me back, so I reached round it, feeling the heat on my face, ripped the plug out and flung the toaster in the sink - flames still streaming from three little rices cakes!

After I doused the toaster with running water, I fell to the floor and had a conversation with a passing spider I happened to see.

I said, 'shit Eric, did you see THAT!'

 

rice cakes
So these are rice cakes with the extra flavour that setting fire to them tends to give.

I swear to God I heard Eric say 'Why didn't you just throw a tea towel over the toaster?' - but it may just have been my own voice coming out as a high-pitched sort of squealy sound.

I stayed on the floor for awhile as there seemed to be more air down there. The top half of the kitchen looked like a 1960s November morning in London.

Then I thought I heard myself screaming a high, monotone scream that sounded like the smoke detector...oh yes, it was the smoke detector.

So the tea-towel did get involved after-all as I flapped it madly underneath.

The top half of the kitchen looked like a 1960s November morning in London. Click To Tweet

With all the windows open and order restored, I went back to my desk to work.

When my sobbing subsided. I sat back and in my usual drippy-hippy style, I asked myself, 'now what positives can we take from this experience?'

And then it hit me, what a bloody brilliant substitute for barbecue charcoal if you run out but, you happen to have rice cakes in the cupboard!

Because man do those things burn!

And that wasn't the end of it.

What a bloody brilliant substitute for barbecue coal if you run out but, you happen to have rice… Click To Tweet

Two hours later, with the toaster dead in the water, I was thinking about lunch.

'What about' I murmured to myself, 'what about if I put some rice cakes under the oven grill and stood there to watch them?'

Yup, that should work. So I did. And guess what, I nearly had another fire. I turned away to put the kettle on and when I turned back, smoke was gushing out of the oven and I think it was pretty close to the BOOF! stage again.

rice cakes

Setting fire to rice cakes is a dodgy business...

So I have promised myself I will stop unless it's to help light barbecue coals.

On a serious note, rice cakes really are incredibly flammable so it's best not to put them in the toaster or under the grill - they will catch fire very quickly.

They don't just go black like toast, rice cakes catch fire and the flames are huge - you have been warned.

They don't just go black like toast, rice cakes catch fire and the flames are huge - you have… Click To Tweet

Have you had any near death experiences with flammable food?  Please leave a comment and tell me your story about the danger of rice cakes or any other food that almost killed you.

14 comments

    1. Hi Corrine, lovely to see you and thank you for coming by! I think you are probably way more sensible and cook your rice properly instead of drying it out to the point where it can catch fire!

  1. HO-LEEEEEEEEEE CRAP! I’m not a fan of rice cakes because I’ve yet to have a crisp one. They all taste like styrofoam to me BUT. I’m wondering if you can use them as fire starters in the fireplace this winter. 🙂 I would do that. – I’m happy you’re okay and that your home did not burn down. However, it is pretty funny and it is quite a visual, you down on the floor chatting it up with a spider. Hahahahahaha.

    1. Yes, yes, yes!!!! That’s what I am thinking too – barbecue coal substitute in summer and fire starters in the fireplace in winter. There to be a positive side to rice cakes 🙂 Thanks for stopping by – I always like your style!

  2. That’s hysterical and sounds like something I would do. I’ll certainly bear this new info in mind if I’m ever tempted to toast rice cakes. I’m actually a little shocked they’re so flammable. Glad you’re ok!

    1. Thanks for your visit Katy – much appreciated. Yes -it is shocking that they are so flammable but I guess it’s the dryness coupled with having so much air in them.I won’t be doing it again!

  3. I did a lot of cooking over an open flame as a Boy Scout but for some strange reason never thought to use food as a fire starter or even as fuel (except by accident). We didn’t have rice cakes back then but I think this should now be included in every Scouting manual.
    For instance there was the time we forgot to bring matches on a camping trip and tried several methods for getting a fire going. Rice cakes combined with a magnifying glass and the power of the sun would be the ideal combination.
    Christopher recently posted…School’s Out Forever.My Profile

    1. Thank you sir for your visit. Oh my goodness – I bet the sun thing would work really well – as they are tinder dry 🙂 Every boy scout needs rice cakes to be prepared for any emergency – we should start a campaign to get it added to the manual forthwith.

  4. Bwahahaha! Sorry, Gilly, that you almost died, but that’s funny!!
    At least you finally got to the “stop and drop”!!
    I hate them too. Styrofoam about sums them up!! At least, you never have to worry about them getting soggy, and dropping your jelly all down your shirt!
    Melinda recently posted…Chunky Chocolate Chip ChoiceMy Profile

    1. Thank you Melinda! yes the ‘stop and drop’ stage is a massive blessing – it suddenly dawned on me yesterday when I was telling my mum about it, how serious it could have been if I had gone out into the garden, or upstairs and not heard that BOOF sound as they ignited. Flames are pretty silent untilfurniture starts crackling and hissing as it burns! Smoke detectors are strange, they go off for the most stupid reasons but then take their time when there is real smoke!

    1. Hello Fran! How lovely to ‘see’ you! Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s so easy to get cut adrift in this massive place we call the internet and lose people – just heading to you now!

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