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7 Rules For a Happy Life

Rule No.1

Don’t Ever Leave the Cake Out In The Rain

Why? Because it took so long to bake it and you’ll never have that recipe again.

Right? 

Think about it. Is your cake outside right now? Are there clouds overhead? Do you care about your metaphorical cake?

Then protect it. Nurture it. Mend broken bridges. Make the first move. Say sorry and get that person or those people back in your life today.

I chose this version of MacArthur Park because Donna Summer adds a redemption verse and this post is about being happy.

Rule No.2

Don’t embark on your 19th Nervous Breakdown without questioning why you’ve already had 18.

Really shoulda been asking by the third one at most!

As your 19th Nervous Breakdown approaches:

Take it as a warning that you are the problem in your life.

What do you need to change?

People who keep on doing the same thing in the same way while expecting different results are, if you’ll forgive my bluntness, just plain stupid.

Don’t be that. Just don’t.

If your 19th Nervous Breakdown is coming at you like a speeding train – Jump. Off. The. Track. Now!

Take control of your mind, go somewhere different with it.

Changing your thinking will change your life.

No more blue pills. Ok?

The Stones – sigh 😍

Rule No.3

 Are You Lonesome Tonight? Don’t be.

Maybe it’s because you left the cake out in the rain at some point.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go take a look outside at the cake.

Has it completely collapsed? Are there rivulets of sweet green icing flowing down the drain like sugary neon tears?

Then scrape that mess up, put it in the garbage can and move on.

Do it now before the world loses patience with you.

If you’re sitting there thinking, Only The Lonely Know The Way I feel Tonight (yes, this rule merits TWO song mentions), then get out and find some happy people. 

Oh Elvis…. MASSIVE sigh…there are no words for this man.
And Roy Orbison – identifying with the lonely 😥

Rule No.4

Don’t ever worry about not being a Cornflake Girl

(Or guy – just to keep this politically correct 🙄)

Raisin girls/guys are sweeter, more unique and stand out against the cornflakes by a million miles.

I know Tori Amos’s inspiration for her song had its roots in a whole other, darker area of female betrayal but the lyrics also helped me to process the betrayals that go on in day to day life.

Cornflake girls  stick together and raisin girls get stuck in their sludge – if they aren’t careful.

When you find yourself, metaphorically, in a box of cornflakes, don’t waste time wailing because the cornflakes don’t like you or exclude you from their cliques.

Instead, put your energy into finding the other raisins and enjoy their loyalty, openness, acceptance and authenticity – those traits are pure gold – they are not the dull yellow colour of cornflakes.

And remember this, when someone stamps on a cornflake, it disintegrates into flaky dust. But when someone stamps on a raisin, it goes flat but, it stays whole. A brief spell in warm water brings flattened raisins back into shape. 

Be thankful if you are a raisin. Rock it.

Cornflake Girl by Tori Amos – clearly a Raisin girl.

Rule No.5

Don’t worry about not being flower – Take a lesson from the weeds or Wildflowers

Why? Because they grow very easily despite limiting conditions.

Don’t believe me?

We put down a membrane against weeds before we put laid our patio, which, rarely gets sun.

But the weeds are constantly pushing up through membrane and grouting, fighting for their right to flourish. 

Be a weed. Flowers are pretty but they depend on nurture and the right conditions to grow. I mean who in the hell gets that in this life?

And what is the definition of a weed? It’s a plant that grows where it is not wanted. And in human terms, that’s quite often amongst the Cornflake Girls (I know! I know! And guys, FFS!)

Weeds and wildflowers are tenacious, self-nurturing, determined plants that do not rely on the approval of others to flourish.

Be a Wildflower and love yourself even when the neat and tidy flower beds of life shun you.

Tom Petty – Wildflowers – hope that’s where you are now, among the Wildflowers still making music.

Rule No.6

Are you a Poor Poor Pitiful Me?Well stop it.

Woe is me will never cut it.

The best 5 minutes of therapy you will ever have.

It’s true what they say: Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you piss everyone off.

Attention seekers love an audience for their control dramas.

They will bang on for hours about every shitty thing that’s ever happened to them since first grade.

Survivors, on the other hand, use each shitty thing like the fertiliser of life – they grow from adversity and move forward.

Poor Poor Pitiful People stay stuck where they are, droning on and on about how unfair life is.

It’s boring. Get over yourself. STOP! IT!

Jackson Browne in the studio – I love this version.

Rule No.7

Don’t soak up Dirty Laundry – Quit reading ‘newspapers’ and watching the ‘news’. 

The daily ‘news’, however it is delivered, causes Cancer of the soul and it will destroy yours in the end if you don’t watch what you soak up.

The daily ‘news’ is designed to control, manipulate, and frighten us into submission. It makes us into compliant Sheeple.

Fight back by refusing to watch, read or listen to the ‘news’. Don’t let its darkness destroy the light in your soul.

Remember, for every story about death, destruction, misery, murder, crime and corruption there are a billion more that would inspire  love, laughter, happiness, hope, truth and trust in this life.

But we only get to hear the bad stuff.  

The ‘news’ is the place where you will find every bad thing that happened in the world each day,  all concentrated in one ghastly, ugly lump. 

It distorts reality in the minds of the masses who lap it up.

It is a deliberate betrayal all the good things that are happening in this world.

Frightened people are easier to control. Don’t play the game. Switch it off. Be happy.

“I wanna dedicate this song to Mr Rupert Murdoch” – Brilliant 😂

I know I said 7 Rules For a Happy Life but here is a bonus one for getting this far.

Rule No.8

Be Yourself

Because, as the song says, being yourself ‘is all that you can do’.

So do it well.

And if you are a raisin girl (or guy 🙄), don’t EVER let the actions or attitudes of Cornflakes Girls stop your from being yourself.

Cornflake girls form cliques, they gossip about others and complain when others gossip about them, they tell tales when it suits them, they ostracise, ignore and dislike raisins.

Some cornflakes get along with raisins when there are no other cornflakes around but will quickly conform to type when more crispy little flakes show up.

But no matter. Revel in your sweet, strong raisin-ness and Be Yourself – always.

And forever sing this song. This has been my power song in life for years. 

Like most other fans, I was knocked sideways when Chris Cornell died and I couldn’t listen to this for awhile but, despite his apparent suicide – his message lives on in this song and remains sound advice.

The problem for many people comes when they don’t believe being themselves is good enough.

But it is. It always is. We are all born good people and that’s who we have to get back to be happy.

We have to shake off the layers of crap heaped on us from our upbringing, conditioning and education to find our own true selves.

Audioslave – Be Yourself – the best advice anyone could hear. Chris Cornell – what a massive loss.

So that’s my 7 Rules For a Happy Life (well ok – eight).

If you wrote down 7 rules for a happy life, what would your number one rule be – my number eight here is actually my real number one – Be Yourself – now off you go and be happy!

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